For all of you that do read this blog-thingy, I’m sorry for the absence of any entries for months. Working three jobs now to support the volunteer photography that I’m now doing. But more on that a little later.
On Saturday December 8th at 4am my grandmother passed on. She was 86. She went peacefully in her sleep. No pain, no suffering. Truly a blessing. For the last three years she had been going downhill. From independent and walking on her own to bed-ridden. From alert and opinionated to confused, lost and sometimes scared. She had a long life, was married to my grandfather for 61 years, cared for both myself and my brother.
It really hit me Saturday night. For those of you who don’t know, since I moved back I’ve been living in their house. It was actually grandma’s idea. They had both moved out, each one to their respective assisted living facilities. Grandma wanted me to look after the house so I moved in. the house still to this day is filled with all their things and the memories I have from growing up there. And that’s why it hit me hard. All those reminders, all those rooms filled with images of the two of them. My memories play like a silent super 8 film, filling each space with their movements. No sounds, only the faded sights of all our times together in this house.
And that’s how it hit me. I was walking down the hallway into the living room. Then I saw her standing in front of her shelves of trinkets holding them and talking to me as a young boy how each one came from one of their many trips. It was so brief, but I felt it over my whole body. I started crying. So much that I dropped to my knees and laid my head on the carpet sobbing.
That was all I needed, I think. To get it out in one intense moment of saddness. And now I’m okay. I have no regrets, no lost chances. I am happy for her. She’s no longer in pain. May she rest in peace and be eternally happy. Thank you for all that you taught me and for all that you gave me. I love you grandma.
